Photo: original image by autoevolution
I don't know about you guys, but I tend to remember the roles played by villains more than those played by the heroic protagonists. Squeaky-clean comic characters that have all the power in the world, like Superman, just don't do it for me. Meanwhile, there's something scary, almost primeval about the Joker or Darth Vader.
Have I been genetically preconditioned to be frightened by a man in a black suit who breathes heavily and wields a red blade of pure light that can cut through everything? I don't know. Perhaps a childhood of watching cartoons convinced me that a chance encounter with the Joker is the worst thing that can happen.
I've seen plenty of blog posts about "Goldfinger's Lamborghini" or "Darth Vader's Ferrari", not to mention I've written quite a few of them myself. But I've never read a story where every major villain and his motoring hobbies get discussed.
I'll start with a personal favorite, the ambitions, and somewhat crazy Agent Smith. Hugo Weaving was so committed to playing this role that he lost a tooth while shooting a fight scene. The guy also played Black Skull in Captain America, but that's another story.
The problem with trying to imagine what car Smith drove is that the Matrix movie also provides an answer, this being a classic Lincoln Continental with a few modifications. If you don't know what that is, just imagine a presidential limousine with coach doors from the 1960s, and you are there.
The whole point of the agents is that they are programs designed to govern over a digital dream world. So if they want an old car that handles like a Nissan GT-R, that's not a problem at all. But I think the old Continental looks silly in the context of a story written in 2015, so I give you the all-new Lincoln Continental and leave the subject open for discussion. If that looks too cheap for you, there's also the Mercedes-Maybach S600.
Darth Vader is my favorite villain to imagine a car for because he began life as a struggling boy in love with a futuristic form of motorsport. His reflexes are somewhat similar to today's F1 drivers. Just because his body is completely burned, and he rules the universe with an iron fist doesn't mean the guy can't enjoy a bit of fun now and then.
Because of his motorsport experience and the fact that the force is strong with him, Lord Vader could probably handle any of the most ferocious cars in the world. The technologically advanced and insanely fast Koenigsegg Regera sounds like a good fit, especially when the doors look just like the wings of an Imperial Transporter.
The name "Ivan Drago" probably means nothing to you because of too many decades of Spongebob cartoons. But the guy was a legend in the eighties. Dolph Lundgren was the living embodiment of Soviet Russia during the Cold War, filled with steroids and the iron will to crush anybody that stood in his way.
Lundgren is not Russian, but his 6ft 5in sculpted body frightened everybody, while expressions like “I must break you” show his unwavering conviction. What would an unstoppable man drive? Why, an unstoppable and frankly illegal car, like the Marauder. I don't think there will be any arguments.
The car in the Hannibal Lector series is a Bentley Arnage, but I don't like its high-profile status and conspicuous nature. A Bentley is too excessive for a logical person that has other things he likes to enjoy… such as human flesh. A real Lector, maybe one closer to the Hopkins version, would need something discrete and yet capable. Both Volvo and Subaru have what it takes.
Lord Voldemort is another famous villain that's never associated with cars, which makes picking one for him extremely fun. Harry Potter has a retro feel when it comes to vehicles in general. While the young wizards fly around the UK in a Ford Anglia, we'd imagine a 1970s Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow has that "don't mess with me" attitude Voldemort projects.
Greed is good, and so is Michael Douglas' portrayal of Gordon Gekko. There are literally millions of people just like him in the real world, excessive and cunning at the same time, which makes Wall Street a relatable movie… forever. What does Gekko drive? Anything and everything that makes him look like the biggest fish in the pond.
And finally, we arrive at the infamous Joker. It doesn't even matter which version you prefer, the Jack Nicholson classic or the realistic, unhinged one portrayed by Heath Ledger. Ever since 2008, I've been a huge fan of the latter, but something inside me recently snapped – there are too many movies that want to make comics seem realistic and believable. Batman isn't about having army tech that you can drive on the road; it's about having a pet robot wolf and a skateboard that flies.
I don't want to imagine the Joker driving something that looks like him. He places no value on material goods and likes to play with things he doesn't really understand, usually stolen tech from the police, military or Batman's arsenal. How about a clown car that disperses a gas that makes you laugh until you die? Or maybe a Ford 32 roadster that doesn't seem to stay on the road?
I've seen plenty of blog posts about "Goldfinger's Lamborghini" or "Darth Vader's Ferrari", not to mention I've written quite a few of them myself. But I've never read a story where every major villain and his motoring hobbies get discussed.
I'll start with a personal favorite, the ambitions, and somewhat crazy Agent Smith. Hugo Weaving was so committed to playing this role that he lost a tooth while shooting a fight scene. The guy also played Black Skull in Captain America, but that's another story.
The problem with trying to imagine what car Smith drove is that the Matrix movie also provides an answer, this being a classic Lincoln Continental with a few modifications. If you don't know what that is, just imagine a presidential limousine with coach doors from the 1960s, and you are there.
The whole point of the agents is that they are programs designed to govern over a digital dream world. So if they want an old car that handles like a Nissan GT-R, that's not a problem at all. But I think the old Continental looks silly in the context of a story written in 2015, so I give you the all-new Lincoln Continental and leave the subject open for discussion. If that looks too cheap for you, there's also the Mercedes-Maybach S600.
Darth Vader is my favorite villain to imagine a car for because he began life as a struggling boy in love with a futuristic form of motorsport. His reflexes are somewhat similar to today's F1 drivers. Just because his body is completely burned, and he rules the universe with an iron fist doesn't mean the guy can't enjoy a bit of fun now and then.
Because of his motorsport experience and the fact that the force is strong with him, Lord Vader could probably handle any of the most ferocious cars in the world. The technologically advanced and insanely fast Koenigsegg Regera sounds like a good fit, especially when the doors look just like the wings of an Imperial Transporter.
The name "Ivan Drago" probably means nothing to you because of too many decades of Spongebob cartoons. But the guy was a legend in the eighties. Dolph Lundgren was the living embodiment of Soviet Russia during the Cold War, filled with steroids and the iron will to crush anybody that stood in his way.
Lundgren is not Russian, but his 6ft 5in sculpted body frightened everybody, while expressions like “I must break you” show his unwavering conviction. What would an unstoppable man drive? Why, an unstoppable and frankly illegal car, like the Marauder. I don't think there will be any arguments.
The car in the Hannibal Lector series is a Bentley Arnage, but I don't like its high-profile status and conspicuous nature. A Bentley is too excessive for a logical person that has other things he likes to enjoy… such as human flesh. A real Lector, maybe one closer to the Hopkins version, would need something discrete and yet capable. Both Volvo and Subaru have what it takes.
Lord Voldemort is another famous villain that's never associated with cars, which makes picking one for him extremely fun. Harry Potter has a retro feel when it comes to vehicles in general. While the young wizards fly around the UK in a Ford Anglia, we'd imagine a 1970s Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow has that "don't mess with me" attitude Voldemort projects.
Greed is good, and so is Michael Douglas' portrayal of Gordon Gekko. There are literally millions of people just like him in the real world, excessive and cunning at the same time, which makes Wall Street a relatable movie… forever. What does Gekko drive? Anything and everything that makes him look like the biggest fish in the pond.
And finally, we arrive at the infamous Joker. It doesn't even matter which version you prefer, the Jack Nicholson classic or the realistic, unhinged one portrayed by Heath Ledger. Ever since 2008, I've been a huge fan of the latter, but something inside me recently snapped – there are too many movies that want to make comics seem realistic and believable. Batman isn't about having army tech that you can drive on the road; it's about having a pet robot wolf and a skateboard that flies.
I don't want to imagine the Joker driving something that looks like him. He places no value on material goods and likes to play with things he doesn't really understand, usually stolen tech from the police, military or Batman's arsenal. How about a clown car that disperses a gas that makes you laugh until you die? Or maybe a Ford 32 roadster that doesn't seem to stay on the road?
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